Why Resistance Can Be Your Best Friend, Part II

Part II. When The Real You Refuses To "Just do It!"

“Just do it!”! Nike made this imperative its slogan. From a grammatical perspective, “Just do it!” is a complete sentence. What is particularly relevant is that an imperative is a sentence without a clearly defined subject. “You” are the implied subject of the imperative, but “you” are not specifically named.

When it comes to resistance to any type of imperative—especially the orders you give yourself—the identity of the missing “you” is the critical element to decide whether resistance is your best friend or an enemy to overcome.

The truth is that “you” are more than one “you.” There is the conditioned “you” who you does what you are told, wants to please others, and obeys orders. There is another “you.” This “you” is the authentic “You.”

One of the enduring human questions is why people are different. Is it a matter of “nature or nurture.” Are you a simply a product of your genes or your environment? Were you born a blank slate or were you born with innate talents, gifts, and purpose? Or to put it in technological terms: Were you born a blank disc, a preformatted disc, or a preloaded disc?

Although people have argued these questions for generations, it seems overwhelmingly likely that each of us is a combination of genes and experiences. Most parents will tell you that children demonstrate unique temperaments and personalities, even before birth. To continue the technological analogy: Each of us was born a preformatted disc rather than a blank disc or a disc with the content already preloaded.

What happens when you try to play a disc with the wrong format for your player? It won’t play. I have an old CD player. Sometimes, it won’t handle CDs recorded with newer technology. The CD player and the CD are simply not a match.

And this is the problem with imperatives such “"Just do it!" The real question is: Which “you” is being addressed? It is the authentic “You” or is it the conditioned “you”? who does what you are told? And which “you” is giving the order?

These distinctions might seem a bit complicated to sort out, but that is exactly the point. It’s one thing to resist when someone else tells you to “"Just do it!" It’s when you are telling yourself to "Just do it!" that the situation gets tricky.

This when it is critical to ask which “you” is giving this order. Are you telling yourself to “Just do it!” because the “you” who wants to please thinks you “should” or because your authentic self chooses to "Just do it!"

How can you tell the difference? The answer is: Resistance. Resistance to an imperative is a clear sign that your authentic “You” is refusing to do what your obedient “you” insists that you “should” do.

Let’s get specific. Let’s say that you decide to invest in real estate. You go to seminars, you buy courses, and you intend to get started—but you never do it. You tell yourself, “I’m too busy,” “I don’t know how,” “I don’t have enough money.” You tell yourself to "Just do it!", but you don’t do it. What is going on here?

Here are two questions to help you determine whether your resistance is your best friend or your worst enemy. I have asked these questions to many people—students, coaching clients, friends, even myself—and have seen people discover amazing insights that move them beyond their own resistance to doing what they claimed they wanted to do.

In this example, the first question asks: “Why SHOULD I invest in real estate?”
You write down: “I SHOULD invest in real estate because…….
And then you write down all of the reasons why you SHOULD "Just do it!"
After you have written down as many reasons as you can why you SHOULD invest in real estate, you are ready for the second question.

The second question asks: Why do I REFUSE to invest in real estate?
You write down: “I REFUSE to invest in real state because……
And then you write down all of the reason why you REFUSE to "Just do it!”

Whether it is investing in real estate, writing a book, losing 25 pounds, learning skydiving, or anything you claim that you want to do, these two questions are extraordinarily powerful tools to get to the root of resistance.

Everyone can always answer the first question about why they “should.” When it comes to the second question, most people protest. They say, “I am not refusing to do this.” They always have good reasons why “I can’t,” but are very reluctant to even consider that the real problem is “I won’t.”

But if you ask this question—really ask it—and probe until you find the answer, at some point you will discover that the real reason you are not doing whatever you claim you want to do is that your authentic self is refusing to do it. Somehow, this thing that you are commanding yourself to do feels like a violation of your authentic self.

And this is why resistance is often your best friend. Resistance is the guerrilla tactic of the authentic “You.” The real you—the authentic “You”—is rebelling against doing what you “should.” Somehow, doing this thing that the conditioned “you” is trying to force yourself to do is incongruent with the real “You.”

Resistance is the result of a conflict between “I should” and “I refuse.” And this is where we return to the theme in Part I. Resistance avoids the pitch, whether the pitch comes from someone else or whether it comes from your conditioned self. In either case, the imperative to "Just do it!" violates the authentic “You.”

When prodded and pushed to do what it does not choose to do, the authentic “You” turns into a two-year old having a tantrum. The more the authentic “You” is pushed to do what it does not choose to do, the more resistant “You” become to doing it.

The fact is, “You” will not resist an action that is consistent with your own values, gifts, talents, and sense of purpose. “You” will resist when you are being pushed to do what “You” don’t truly choose to do. And this is the reason why resistance can be your best friend. Resistance lets you know when “You”—the authentic “You”—is missing from the imperative.

For Your Abundant Success,
Kalinda Rose Stevenson

© 2006 Kalinda Rose Stevenson, Ph.D.
ABKA Diversified, Inc.
6440 Sky Pointe Dr
#140-106
Las Vegas, NV 89131

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